Understanding Malchus*

The Talmud states that a person needs to make an effort to see a gentile king; when the day comes that he is privileged to see a Jewish king, he'll be able to recognize the difference.

About two months ago I visited Graceland. The grandeur and majesty of the KING's residence immediately impressed me. (The green shag-carpeted ceiling in the Jungle Room is awe-inspiring). I was blown away by his estate, his jewels and clothes - everything. In particular, seeing the KING's outstanding achievements on display in the Trophy Room gave me a new appreciation for real greatness.

But the most powerful part of Graceland is the Racquet Ball building. (The KING personally oversaw its construction.) Video footage of the KING's legendary performance: Elvis, Aloha from Hawaii - live via satellite is shown constantly. (More people watched this program then the first lunar landing.) The KING pumped out fiery versions of Proud Mary and other classics; he sweat profusely, he cared, and he gave it all. It was a very emotional experience. The KING was a leader and a giant, but most of all he was a servant.

In my opinion, every American should visit Graceland. You will gain a new understanding of what a king truly is, an understanding we unfortunately lack.

*Malchus is usually translated as "kingship" - though to be honest, I am not exactly sure what "kingship" means either.

NYC

I was just in NYC. I met up with a whole bunch of people from the last Aish trip to London and we went out to dinner at Dougie's. I realize that everyone hip already knows all about Dougie's, but still - I think it is appropriate to talk about our incredible meal.

I ordered the monster burger deluxe. It was a thick and juicy hamburger with pastrami and chilli sauce dumped on top. Yum yum. Best of all, it came on a huge plate (my guess is that the plate was at least 18 inches in diameter) and it was overflowing with Dougie's amazing fries. I ate until I couldn't move. The people sitting on either side of me split a plate of 24 chicken wings (I think there were really more like 40 wings on the plate) - they were awesome. Hot, spicy, tasty. The big hit of the evening was the jumbo hot dog. Dougie's listed it as an "appetizer," but it was at least a foot long and all the empty space on the plate was filled with sauerkraut.

The bill for 9 people was only about $80 (not including the tip). This is very inexpensive, especially since we were all rendered immobile after the meal. (I should note, Dougie's is now at 247 W 72 St - across the street from where they used to be.)

The best part of my trip to Dougie's though was that on the way to NYC and back I got to use my brand new EZ Pass. I zoomed through the tolls and laughed at all the people waiting on line - eat my dust suckers.

Ken Livingstone is an idiot

Ken Livingstone, mayor of London, claims that things like foreign occupation and a denial of basic rights turns people into suicide terrorists. "Under foreign occupation and denied a right to vote, denied the right to run your own affairs ... I suspect that if it had happened here in England we would have produced a lot of suicide bombers ourselves." (Ken Livingstone commenting on the origins of suicide terrorism in Israel.)

I am sorry Ken, but you are wrong. Living under foreign occupation or not being able to vote may lead to protests, unrest, civil disobedience, maybe even violence and revolution - but no civilized, moral society, no matter how hard they are pushed or oppressed, will ever lead to masses of people strapping bombs to their bodies or hijacking planes with the specific intention of dying and taking as many other people with them as possible. Keep in mind Ken, since September 2000 - beginning in Israel and now in Iraq and all over the globe, there has been a suicide attack nearly every single day somewhere in the world. That is a lot of people willing to die in order to kill.

Suicide terrorists are evil. They kill because they are convinced that intimidation and terror will enable their values, beliefs and ideology to triumph and rule the world - and in return for their self-sacrifice is a special place in heaven.

Suicide terrorists will never be stopped Ken, as long as biased, bigoted fools like you continue to make excuses and justifications for why they kill.

Jack and the Beanstalk

My wife was reading Jack and the Beanstalk to my kids last night. It seems to me that Jack did some pretty terrible things and should not be the hero of the story.

It is true that he was living in dire poverty and I can certainly empathize with his plight. His family was pushed to the point that they had to sell the family cow and Jack made a pretty bad business decision trading it in for a handful of beans.

But then things get very sketchy. The beans become a huge stalk extending way in to the clouds. Jack, his curiosity piqued, climbs to the top and ends up in a pretty dangerous place - the home of a man eating giant. The wife of the giant feeds Jack and hides him from her husband. How does Jack return the favor? He steals their money! What a punk! Where is his gratitude?

There are those who will justify Jack's actions on the basis of his poverty. To them I point to the fact that after Jack stole the bag of gold, he then went back up and stole the hen that lays the golden eggs. He then went back again to steal the golden harp that plays music on its own.

And then, and this is the clincher, after he gets busted and the giants chase after him, he murders them to save his hide!

The story ends "and everyone lived happily ever after." -- What kind of sick twisted logic is that? Jack is a murderous pathological criminal, he should spend his life behind bars! Instead, the poor giants are dead and Jack is living the highlife on the stolen booty.

My list

I was about to go on a long rant about all the bands missing from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but I decided it is better to be positive. This is my list of the bands I think need to be inducted:

• Black Sabbath - like I said before, Iron Man and Paranoid are probably the two most covered songs on the planet. (And Bill Ward is the MAN).
• Deep Purple - I mentioned these guys already too - Ian Gillian and Richie Blackmore - what more needs to be said?
• Steppenwolf - ok, they only have two songs that everyone knows. But come on, if the band that brought us Born to Be Wild isn't worthy of the Hall of Fame, then they should probably just shut the place down.
• Ten Years After - I may be the only person alive who likes these guys, but they were particularly cool in the Woodstock movie
• Joe Cocker - so what if the guy only did covers? He has the coolest voice ever.
• Lynyrd Skynyrd - I know, everyone says they should be in, but it is true. They were awesome and had a ton of great songs and they sold millions. It is a crime that they are blacklisted just because they are from the south - shame on you Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
• Van Halen - Eddie rules and Dave is Jewish - they sold out stadiums and revolutionized rock guitar, why not?
• King Crimson - Robert Fripp is too weird not to let in. And I didn't see Bowie on the list, but he should be there too even if he did get a little too pop-cheese sometimes - he let Fripp get all sick on Fashion and that wins big points with me.

I am sure there are others, but this is my short list for now. Who else?

It can't happen here

There is a movement within Protestant Churches, mostly in the US, to divest from Israel. So far the list includes:

• The Presbyterian Church-USA
• The World Council of Churches
• The United Methodist Church
• The Episcopal Church
• The UCC

Divestment is an ugly, one-sided, and unfortunately anti-Semitic ploy to keep large corporations from doing business with Israel.

As a Jew, whatever your opinion may be about the conflict in Israel, it is important to know what your neighbors are saying. Protestantism is America's largest religious denomination, they run bake sales, have cute little churches, and at their international conclaves they discuss the evils of Zionist aggression.

I am not trying to be the prophet of doom or anything, but be aware; as amazing as America has been for the Jewish people, this is not the first experience of freedom and prosperity in our long history and things can easily change.

The Libro-con

Check it out - I think there is a new social-political animal lurking on the horizon - we'll call it the "libro-con." The libro-con has his own internal logic that may appear contradictory to an outsider. I'll explain, using myself as an example. One the one hand:

• I (like all libro-cons) live in a blue state
• I don't shop at Wal Mart
• I enjoy academia and I feel comfortable in a university setting
• I am into health food and I enjoy short-grain brown rice and eat only whole wheat bread (and most importantly, I appreciate the aesthetic side of quality vegetarian eating, though I am not a vegetarian myself)
• I have eclectic tastes in music and enjoy even the most pretentious art-jazz
• And (which I think is the clincher) I listen regularly to NPR and although I disagree with almost everything they say, I still enjoy the programming and topics they discuss. I even find the arrogant monotone somewhat soothing.

However, in stark contrast to these socio-cultural leanings that seem to so blatantly label me as an arrogant Northeastern liberal:

• I am a social conservative in regards to most issues
• I am super pro-Israel
• I would consider myself a hawk
• I am pro-God and pro-religion

I am sure I am not alone out there either. I think Northeastern liberal centers (like New York and Boston) are secretly teeming with libro-cons. We go to cafes and we spend way too much money for the aesthetically hip coffee we are drinking, and we enjoy the alternative, avant-guard tunes blasting in the background. But if you listen to our conversations we probably spewing something right wing and radical (if we aren't discussing the latest issue of the New Yorker).

My fellow libro-cons, identify yourselves - we can start our own webpages, pretentious magazines, print bumper stickers, form societies, launch a hip political party - the sky's the limit.

The libro-con - the new breed of conservative with good taste.

Jewish Genetic Advantage

Jews have special genes and that is why we are so smart. Even the Economist says so.

No Black Sabbath?

I was looking at the list of inductees to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and I can't believe they missed Black Sabbath and Deep Purple. I mean the Talking Heads and Tom Petty are nice and all, but no decent self-respecting rock star wannabe cranks out tortured versions of Take Me to the River or Refugee or any of that. First you learn Smoke on the Water, then Iron Man, and then you are ready to rock and roll. And Ozzy should be a double inductee! Come on, Steven Stills gets in a second time with Buffalo Springfield (a one hit wonder 60's protest band) and nothing for Ozzy - what's up with that? I think this is just a typical representation of the pseudo-sophisticated bias prevalent amongst music critics types; they ignore the obvious innovators (power chord riffs in unison - what could be more influential than that?) in favor of artists that seem more "intelligent." Be intelligent, but don't ignore true genius. Their one saving grace is at least P-Funk got in.

Speaking of meaningful, check out this list of Jewish rock stars.

More about the British

It seems that the BBC isn't the only British institution blinded by reckless political correctness. Check out these short articles (1, 2, and 3) about British security and preparedness.

The stupid BBC

This is completely ridiculous. Political correctness gone crazy.

post number one

This is a super exciting and big day here in tzvi land as we go super blog happy.